these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Mom said you looked used
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
