are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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