I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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