I'm eating all of the evidence.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
