2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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