Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
