Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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