I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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