I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
