Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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