Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
