R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Small penises have feelings too.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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