i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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