She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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