I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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