my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
