So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
