I love black thongs
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
