Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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