sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
we're so committed to being not committed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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