I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
