I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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