Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
