1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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