Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
