I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
