Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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