ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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