someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize