we have pet lesbian snakes
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
