I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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