you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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