apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
my liver is dry heaving
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
