I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
