I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
