Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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