Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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