What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
