omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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