I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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