Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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