You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
