You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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