Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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