how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
