i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
