i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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