he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
whose ass print is on the piano?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
