I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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