Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
