Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just high enough for therapy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
