The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dicks are not precious.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
