Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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