It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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