I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We left the knife in your bed.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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