If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
