I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
