This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
