apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
