My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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