Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
