I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
