I'm really into asian looking animals
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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