they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
