i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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