please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
