so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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