sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
